If You Give a Bird Some Birdseed...

If you give a bird some birdseed he’ll probably really like it.

And when he really likes it he’ll probably come so often that you decide to name him “Puck.”*

And when you name him Puck, he’ll decide this new place for food is a good place to bring lots of friends.

And when that happens you’ll really enjoy watching the birds outside of your kitchen window all day long.

And because the birds like your birdseed so much, they eat it pretty quickly.

And when they eat it pretty quickly, you’ll fill it up every couple of days.

And when you start replenishing the food so often the squirrels will begin to notice.

And when the squirrels first start coming you might think they are kind of cute and fun to watch.

But then the squirrels come so often they start scaring away the birds.

And then more squirrels come.

And then one day you might see a squirrel double-fisting your birdseed.

And this might make you angry. No one likes being taken advantage of by a greedy squirrel.

So you might start to bang on the windows to scare the squirrels away.

And when you bang on the windows the squirrels will probably just run a few feet away and “hide.”

And when the squirrels “hide” you might pretend you don’t see them while you casually walk outside and turn on the hose.

And when you turn on the hose…you might spray the squirrels.

And when you spray the squirrels enough times, well, they stop coming by.

So when you give a bird some birdseed…get a hose.

*1. Because my bird-friend and Noah Puckerman have matching mohawks.

*2. And because I like Puck from Midsummer Night’s Dream.