Thursday, April 17, 2014

This Mom Thing. #BecauseofHim

Some days I think, "I'm totally nailing this mom thing." And some days I think, "who put me in charge? Seriously? Who thought this was a good idea...I'm sure it wasn't me."

Some days I think it's hilarious and delightful that my purse/diaper bag squeaks when I walk (Sophie the Giraffe). Sometimes I find it incredibly depressing. 

Some days I think the thankless-ness of motherhood (at this age at least) is noble and sweet. Some days I get truly offended when all Zeph says is, "DaDa!"

Some days I look in the mirror and am amazed at how my body is 100% utilitarian and that makes it beautiful. Somedays I look in the mirror and a sad little two-note tune rings in my head. "Wha wha."

Some days I don't think of myself hardly at all and it's glorious. And some days I'm a tad bitter I don't have more time for me. 

Some days I think, "I'm going to be the best mom ever today!" And some days I think, "let's just hang on until 7:00pm."

Some days I'm productive and industrious and down right incredible! Some days I do the minimum. 

Some days I think about how wonderful my life is and how blessed my family and I are, and will continuously be, that I get to be a stay at home mom. Some days I think my life is head-bangingly boring. 

Some days I let arguments and tiffs roll off my back as if it were greased. Some days, "Hello," said the wrong way is a fight. 

Some days I love my role. Some days I wonder how I'll do it for years to come and I feel trapped.  

What I'm saying is that being a mother, wife, and homemaker is not always lovely. Sometimes it's messy. And not messy in a, "how did sweet potatoes get in Zeph's ear AND my ear?" way, though there is that too. But messy in an, "I'm not qualified to be in charge of two additional humans' well being. I will surely cause emotional scaring" kind of way. 

But at the end of every. single. day, when I use my hand to brush Zeph's soft hair, or he pats my back after he's dive bombed to give me a hug, or when we eat dinner as a family, or when Joe and I laugh over the same thing, I am full of gratitude for my little family and our wonderful life. And it's all #BecauseofHim. Every bit. Even the days when it's rough. Because at the end of those hard days, because of Him, the next day I get to try harder to be better. And isn't that incredible?

Thursday, April 10, 2014

The App that Saved Me

...from illiteracy. 

Since Zeph was born a year ago (a year ago!) I think I have read four and a half books--and two of them were complete and total fluff. Which, for me, is quite sad. It truly felt like something was missing from my life when for so many months I was too tired, or too caught up, or too lazy to read. There would be many a night where, after putting Zeph to bed, I would sink on the couch looking like a disheveled Norman Rockwell character, but ready to read...only to remember my book was upstairs by my bed. And I'd think, "Oh, never mind." 

Enter the Kindle app on my phone! Which is convienently in my pocket at all times! And the Seattle Public Library (great library) who lends ebooks! And my old library card! Which never expires! 

In two weeks I've read three and a half books. I keep thinking to myself, "This feels so good. This feels so good. I love being excited to read." It does. I do.