Monday, March 30, 2009

Stupid Money-Sucking College Town

I parked on campus the other day after hours. I never drive to classes so I don’t have a parking sticker so if I am going to park on campus it is only after 4:00pm.

As luck would have it my car wouldn’t start late at night.

Maybe I should back up. A couple of weeks ago I broke my key in half. One half remains on the key ring while the other half is in the ignition. I can normally get it to start just fine if I don’t lock the key when I turn it off.

Late Thursday night I drove to a building on campus. I was on the phone and when I turned the car off I forgot my car has a personality and let my key lock. Now the ignition won’t turn. And it’s stuck on campus.

So in my greatest attempts to not get a ticket (I have issues with the parking rules in college towns that might deserve a blog post all to its own) I wrote a note and stuck it on my windshield.

Here is the note:

I thought it was a pretty good note. I would have let someone off if I was a part of the campus police just for writing such a nice note…or on the grounds of creativity, if nothing else.

Maybe from now on I will refer to the campus police as “Immoral Heartless Money Suckers” because this is what I found on my windshield Friday…with my note tucked inside as if to taunt me. You can bet this baby is going to get appealed. I even said please…with an underline…and pictures! My note was even gender non-specific!

In conclusion…my car = awesome. Immoral Heartless Money Suckers = not so awesome.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Becoming a Minimalist

In Grammar today we talked about becoming minimalists; or, using as few words as possible to get across an idea.

So instead of telling you a detailed story about my excitement in coming home from church with a whole afternoon and evening to myself for the first time since September, ready to spend the rest of the day relaxing and then finding the apartment a mess from the night before…

Instead of telling you that I can’t relax when there is a dirty floor, dishes in the sink (and all over the counter), and a cluttered living room…

Instead of telling you I couldn’t handle living in filth for another second…

Instead of telling you changing my clothes would have taken too long and might have made me unmotivated…

Instead of telling you how one of my roommates finds it endearing (and probably annoying) I have this trait and decided to capture the ridiculousness of my clean floor/kitchen obsession…

Instead of telling you I love these shoes and try to wear them as often and for as long as possible…

I’ll just show you this picture and give you one sentence…


Why yes…I do usually vacuum in heels.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

My Life is an Episode of Seinfeld

Last weekend I got tricked into a date. Yes, tricked. It started out as a study session (which I actually really needed) but within ten minutes this ya-hoo was offering to give me the answers so we could “go do something fun”.

Seven and a half hours later, after receiving many compliments at awkward times (no need to give details here) I got dropped off feeling completely looked over.

The following Monday in grammar I pulled the “wave, smile, and run out the door” tactic and seemed to avoid him while still appearing cordial. Wednesday I rejected an offer to “study”. After class on Friday I had to ask the teacher a question. Stupid. He trapped me. I told him I already had plans for the weekend but that we could maybe study next week. He walked out the door and said, “See you later, April!” I decided he was talking to someone else. I got a voicemail later that day asking for “reservations for next weekend”.

I saw our friend Saturday night. When I walked past him he said, “Hey what’s up April?”

I literally just stared at him with a blank face for a few awkward seconds and asked him to repeat what he had just said, just to give him the benefit of the doubt. Nope. He most definitely thinks my name is April. He spent seven and a half hours with me and asked me on a second date…and doesn’t know my name.

It reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry can’t remember his girlfriend’s name. She dumped him.

Needless to say…no second date with April. Or Ande.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Love You Tender

Right now I have a blog in the making. It’s going to take me a while to write it. To keep the masses entertained I decided to share this little number.

I wish I could share all the commentary on this video I have...but there is just so much I have to say.

*By the way that is Miss Finland.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Justification for Lack of Specialization

Robert Anson Heinlein said, “A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, and die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”


I’ve got some work to do.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Sweet, Sweet Perfect Ratios...How I Love You.

Today I had a day of correct proportions. I would go as far as to say perfect proportions.

This morning I was putting away my clean laundry and noticed my clothes to hanger ratio is perfect today. The only possible time this beautiful and rare phenomenon can take place is on laundry day. Laundry day is a rare occurrence by itself, and the clothes/hanger ratio is even more rare. Pure magic.

Keep in mind that was only the beginning of my day. Literally and figuratively. Here are a few other amazing things (in terms of proportions) that happened today:

My hairspray and mousse ran out at the same time. This is big. It never happens. I go through hairspray much faster than I go through mousse and having a completely full container of both…more magic.

I ran out of cereal at the same time I ran out of milk in my bowl. No wasted milk, no added cereal.

My ipod battery ran out the second I was done working out.

Seriously how awesome was my day? It was nothing short of beautiful. I couldn’t have orchestrated it better myself.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Color Me Happy

Here is my life right now, tonight and many other nights. Paint chips. Endless 1.75” x 1” examples of the colors I love so much that can bring out such tangible emotions in me.

Oh how I hate them tonight. All 175 (and counting) of them.

On the bright side…it’s not Biology homework.